When I posted last week, I mentioned that a lot has happened in my life recently. One of those things? I was laid off from my job as Managing Editor for VancouverMom.ca. There are big changes happening on the site, most specifically the imminent launch of the JellyBeen app. As a result there was some re-shuffling, and my role was eliminated.
This is not my first experience with losing my job. I was laid off in 2009, when I got news during my maternity leave that I wouldn’t have a job to return to. Having been through this before actually does make it a little bit easier. However, there are still bumps, at least in part because this lay-off has been quite a lot different.
Last time, I had already been away from my job for eight months, since I was on maternity leave. I had a four-year-old and a baby. Also, before my mat leave I was working in an office, in a position I’d held for a decade. I received a hefty severance package, and took it as an opportunity to re-examine my life. Now that I was a mom of two, I had to chart a new course, and it took a lot of time and false starts to get there.
This time, while I was the editor for three and a half years, the first year and three quarters was as a freelancer. My time as an actual employee was much shorter. Also, I did the job part-time from home, with only occasional meetings with the rest of my team. This means no hefty severance, and I’m not really leaving my workplace behind. Plus, this time I already have a plan for what I’m doing next – I’m hoping to start teacher training this fall. This lay-off has simply moved up the time frame of leaving this job to pursue the next thing. I will be okay. I know where I’m going next and how I’m going to get there.
That doesn’t mean that being laid off is fun. Being laid off is never fun. I was hoping to stay in this job for eight more months, to save up some money for when I return to university. And while I totally understand and respect my former employer’s decision, and I truly do wish her all the success in the world, getting that phone call is not a good time for anyone. No matter how many times I hear that this isn’t my fault, that I didn’t do anything wrong, that these things happen, it stings. It just does. Saying good-bye is hard.
I’m going to miss VancouverMom.ca. It was my online home for more than three years. I learned a lot in the job, and made a lot of friends and connections. I’m not the same person I was when I started. In fact, it was a press release that I received while I was working there that inspired me to seriously pursue teaching. If I hadn’t been in a role where people contacted me to tell me about the cool things they’re doing, I may not have gotten the idea to do this cool thing myself. I owe a lot to the site, and I’m sad to leave.
Like I said, I’m going to be okay. My last working day was December 19, so just over a week ago. Right now I’m spending my time hanging out with my kids, polishing off my teaching application and thinking of blog posts in my head. I have more space, suddenly, which is both scary and liberating. There are more budgetary constraints, and fewer time constraints. Upsides and downsides. Life is like that.
I’m sure that when I look back on this in years to come I will see how it all worked out, or something like that. At this moment, I’m still processing the loss. I think that’s normal. This too shall pass, and in the meantime I’m doing my best to just accept it all as it comes, good and bad, happy and not-so-happy, freeing and frightening. It feels fitting that this is how I would finish 2014, given that my word this year is forgiveness. I have one more chance to let it all go. Wish me luck.